Rob lifted his head above the top step and looked through the planters at his old life before laying back again in a spreading pool of blood.
Jen screamed nonstop curses from the window above as he lay there, his life leaking onto the brick. She threw his phone. Plastic and glass shattered inches from his head, peppering his face.
So much for calling 9-1-1, he thought closing his eyes. It would be over soon. Will that be so bad.
Curses fell from above like rain along with drawers full of his clothes.
I’m ready go anyway, he thought. So ready.
WC: 100
After struggling for ideas the last couple of weeks, one finally showed up without too much searching. Hopefully I did it justice!
#FridayFictioneers is a weekly blog link up hosted by Rochelle over at RochelleWisoff.com. You should totally check it out and perhaps try your hand at writing a 100 word story.
Good luck!
Nasty way to go. I assume he did something to deserve it…or maybe not!
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It could go either way. I figure it’s best to let the reader decide.
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She’s not over-blessed with compassion is she? “life leaking onto the brick” is such an evocative phase.
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Thanks Sandra, and no, an overflow of compassion is not a problem she has to deal with!
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He’s happy-ish that he’s dying. My guess it’s the battered husband syndrome (and for those who question that remark: yes, it is a thing).
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It surely is a thing, and that is definitely a possibility here!
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You’ve written a good story, and written it well. Telling the story from the pov of a dying man is unusual and distinctive. The description is crisp and appropriately violent. The only line about which I have any reservation is “Curses fell from above like rain along with drawers full of his clothes.” Zeugma is usually employed for humorous effect. On the other hand, you get away with it (just! I didn’t notice it on the first read, but it brought me up short second time through) – and it may be part of your unique voice, so take what I say with a barrow-load of salt!
Several of the Friday Fictioneers have distinct individual voices – you read a story and you know it’s theirs even without the by-line. A few more like this and you’ll be joining them, I suspect.
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Thanks Penny! I truly appreciate the feedback as I am constantly trying to improve my writing and find my voice.
I’m glad you enjoyed the story!
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I have to echo what Penny had to say. I did have to look up “zeugma” because I just couldn’t pull it up from the depths of my grey matter 🙂 I stopped on that sentence, though, and just wasn’t sure why. Now I am. Anyway, yes, I loved the POV here and the willingness of this poor man to accept death. Seems his life wasn’t exactly full of joy.
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Thanks Gran! I had to look up zeugma as well. Still, not sure how or if I’d change it if I was to go back. Glad you liked it!
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That was very powerful, Russell. I thought you captured his voice well – I completely believed it.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks Susan!
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This story’s power is certainly in the point of view. And the sadness of the last two sentences.
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Thanks Jilly!
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The sentence starting ‘curses fell’ enabled me to really feel for Rob. And ensure that I recalled an event where a wife threw her husband out of their home through a closed window, the air was certainly blue.
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I am happy that I cannot recall such a memory. Not yet anyway. Thanks for reading Michael! Glad you liked it!
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So powerful. I hope Rob gets away from Jen and begins a new happy life. He deserves to.
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